What Perfection Was Costing Me

This year, I started working with a performance coach.

Not because I was struggling. On paper, everything was strong. I was delivering, getting good feedback, and expanding scope. But internally, I could feel a pattern I didn't love.

I've always had perfectionist tendencies. They helped me early on. They made me thorough, reliable, and someone people could trust with high-stakes work. I was the person who would rework the slide one more time, think three steps ahead, and anticipate the questions before they were asked.

For a long time, that worked.

I noticed how much pressure I was putting on myself that no one else was putting on me. I noticed how often I over-functioned in situations that didn't require it. I noticed that when something wasn't excellent, I didn't see it as a normal iteration; I saw it as a reflection of me.

That's an exhausting way to operate.

Working with a coach hasn't been about tactics. It's been about awareness. She'll ask a question, and suddenly I can see the pattern clearly. The invisible bar I keep raising. The assumption that if I don't carry it, it won't get carried well. The way I tie outcomes too closely to my own sense of competence.

What used to serve me was starting to limit me.

Being a strong performer at this stage isn't about doing more. It's about recognizing where you have room to grow so you can show up steadier for your team and lighter within yourself. High standards are still important to me. But I'm learning they don't have to come with constant internal pressure.

I'm still ambitious. I still care deeply about the work. I just don't want the traits that built me to be the ones that cap me.